Free Online Articles Directory
- Why Submit Articles?
- Top Authors
- Top Articles
- FAQ
- ABAnswers
Remember me?
Lost Password?
Home Page > Home and Family > Step-Parenting and Teen Troubles
Edit Article | Posted: May 09, 2011 |Comments: 0 |
After giving so much loving care over the years, it can be more than a parent can bear when the child seemingly turns against them in the teen years.
So, let me try to briefly explain how this can happen with step-children and even with adopted children.
The most simplistic way to explain this complicated issue is through my own love of a certain kind of candy, Peanut M&M?s. Whenever and wherever I travel or speak, I always like to have Peanut M&M?s nearby. Sometimes I?ve run into a situation, however, when a similar candy, Skittles, are the only thing available. They are similar in appearance, but they aren?t the same. In fact, they actually only serve to remind me of what I could be enjoying with Peanut M&M?s.
You may ask, what do Peanut M&M?s have to do with anything? Well, let?s apply this silly analogy to your step-daughter. Let?s say she also loves Peanut M&M?s. In fact, they are her favorite candy. She gotten accustomed to having them nearby. She loves them and shares them with others, and likes knowing they are always available. Then, suddenly, her Peanut M&M?s are taken away and replaced with Skittles, another similar candy.
In this analogy, step-parents are like Skittles. The step-parent is a replacement for something your daughter longs for and loves ( her biological parent). Now, there is nothing wrong with Skittles. In fact, Skittles are a wonderful candy, just like you are surely a wonderful parent to her. They are not, however, what she longs for, maybe without even knowing it.
The point is this ? it doesn?t matter that you have been a loving parent to her for many years. She still longs for her missing parent, or her perception of the way things used to be. She longs for her family to look like other families, or to have both parents together. She may even incorrectly believe that her life would be happy and free of problems if things hadn?t changed. And here?s the kicker, every time she sees you, she is reminded of what she no longer has and truly wants down deep ? her birth parent.
Key Point . . . Every time she sees you, she is reminded of what
she no longer has and truly wants down deep ? her birth parent.
You are a breathing, daily reminder of something your teen has lost, and still longs for. It doesn?t matter that there is nothing wrong with you, or that you might even be a better person and parent than her real parent. What matters at this stage in her life is what she perceives she?s lost. In my experience, loss is one of the most potent causes of emotional strife and behavioral problems in the adolescent years.
Mistakes Step-Parents Make
In trying to ?fix? the attitudes and behavior of a wayward step-child, I often see parents try to bribe the child into better behavior or mood by giving them things, by letting them do whatever they want, nor by looking the other way when they step out of line. However, for the parent, such behavior is out of line and will ultimately lead to deeper issues for the child and the parent.
The goal for any parent, step-parent or not, is simply this: to lead a child to embrace their Maker, to develop civil behavior and to teach the child to survive and thrive in the world. Those standards are not always supported by a parent whose primary goal is to keep their children happy all the time.
The best approach to take is to maintain your proper parental role, recognizing what you can and cannot change for your teenager. For instance, you can?t change her feelings of loss, or the past decisions that affect her today. You can?t change the facts of her current circumstances. You can?t change what may have happened outside of the realm of your control.
It makes no sense to demand a step-child to stop feeling the way she does, or to constantly emphasize all you have done for her. Instead, if things are becoming difficult, find a good counselor to help her work through her loss. Eventually that will change the way she thinks and behaves. I?m not saying it will be easy but taking this approach allows you continue to deal with behavioral issues by enforcing rules and applying consequences, while a counselor deals with the emotional issues.
Even though your teen may be going through some internal issues, she should not be allowed to step over boundaries of respect and break your household rules. Boundaries in step-families can actually encourage openness, but in a respectful and self-controlled way.
Step-parents should acknowledge the fact that their teen is dealing with a sense of loss or abandonment, but that shouldn?t be a reason for backing off their parental role or becoming a whipping post. Letting the step-child know that she doesn?t have the freedom to just dump on you whenever she feels like it, and that you don?t have to answer every criticism she throws your way, defines your parental authority. And, letting her know you understand why she may be feeling angry will go a long way toward building respect between the two of you.
Take Heart
If you are in the midst of such a turmoil, take heart. Your step-child?s feelings of loss will not go on forever. The adolescent usually outgrows the inner turmoil in a few years, and can get past it even quicker if it is dealt with more directly with the help of a good counselor. But also remember this?parents who stick to their parental role and continue to demand mutual respect in the home usually come out with a stronger relationship with the child on the other side than do parents who give in and try to appease the child. And the child is more stable and more mature for it.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, national radio host, and the founder of the Heartlight Residential Counseling Center for Struggling Teens. More teen parenting articles and online audio resources can be found at />
Retrieved from ?
(ArticlesBase SC #4744732)
Start increasing your traffic today just by submitting articles with us, click here to get started. Liked this article? Click here to publish it on your website or blog, it?s free and easy! YareAbeb ? About the Author:
Questions and Answers
Ask 200Characters left-
How much will it cost for a step parent adoption in California?
-
Is it okay for step-parents to discipline their step-children?
-
What are some tips on being a great step-parent?
Rate this Article
vote(s) 0 vote(s) Feedback RSS Print Email Re-Publish Source:
Article Tags:
step parenting and teen troubles
Related Articles
Latest Home and Family Articles
More from YareAbeb
Away For The Weekend: Home Security Tips For Parents With Teens
|
One of the most exciting moments for teenagers?and surely one of the most nerve-wracking for parents?is that point in time where it is finally plausible to leave your teenager alone while you go away for a short vacation. Whether it?s for reasons of business or leisure, there are plenty of reasons that parents would be stressed, even if they are supposed to be enjoying a carefree break.
By: Oswald Melmanl Home Improvement> Home Securityl Feb 15, 2010
Parenting Troubled Teens: Self-Control
A little over a week ago, Adam provided us with three great insights for parenting troubled, angry teens. Before reading this article, I encourage you to please read the first article about managing aggressive teens. As a recap, the first three points were1. The parent should always control themselves.2. The?
By: Jordan Adamsl Home and Family> Parentingl Apr 28, 2009
Troubled Teens Parents
There are many numbers of parents who are suffering from troubled teen. There are many organizations they help for teens who are in troubled. But firstly we should know in which troubled is our teen. There are many symptoms and sign are possibilities of:
By: Harry Johnsonl Educationl Dec 04, 2006 lViews: 431
5 Useful Tips For Parenting Troubled Teens That You Should Consider
When dealing with troubled teens you should analyze the teen?s behavior, encourage the teen?s positive habits and behaviors, be consistent in enforcing rules, reward obedient and responsible behavior, and be consistent in your decisions.
By: danical Home and Family> Accessoriesl Feb 08, 2011
Help for Parents of Troubled Teens with Addiction
It is terrible news for any parent to learn that their teens has been using drugs and other poisonous substance. They may find it hard to accept. But parents with a troubled teen can at least take heart from the wide range of help services available.
By: Jenna Brooklynl Home and Family> Parentingl Oct 09, 2009
How Teenagers Can Make A lot of Money Online, Steps To Start a Home Based Business
Years ago, the average teenager was taught to earn someextra cash by getting a part-time job and it is the same today. However, times have somewhat different, teenagers are hardly enjoying or depositing their paychecks into their own savings account. The average teenager is earning money to financially support their parents.
By: Carla Jewel Livingstonl Internet> Internet Marketingl Sep 09, 2009 lViews: 380
Boot Camps Are Useful For Troubled Teens
There?s no denying that a boot camp can greatly help your troubled teens. If the teens are sent to the right boot camp with the right boot camp programs, don?t think small but think success for life.
By: Jenna Brooklynl Home and Family> Teenagersl Feb 08, 2010
Loft conversions London ? adding both space and value to your home
You don?t need to be an avid watcher of the latest headlines to know that the subject of money has been on everyone?s lips in recent years. It has dominated the public mood since the onset of the recession, and it?s proved just as troubling a subject in recent years for prospective home movers.
By: Gareth Hoylel Home and Familyl May 16, 2011
Using Digital Image For Your Photo Thank You Cards
No matter what the occasion is thank you cards play a very crucial role during special occasions. These cards are sent to guests who have attended or sent gifts on your special day or occasion. The best way to express your gratefulness is by sending them photo thank you cards. Many people face the problem of adjusting the digital image of their thank you cards, the solution for this will be described in the below article.
By: Christy Guzmanl Home and Familyl May 16, 2011
Why Do We Need Eye Glasses?
Eye glasses are frames bearing lenses that are meant to be worn in front of the eyes in order to correct vision. Eyeglasses are also worn to protect eyes from flying articles and radiation.
By: orsondixonl Home and Familyl May 16, 2011
Blue Flame Gas Heaters ? The Marriage of Form and Function
A warm and inviting fireplace is frequently recognized as a sought after architectural detail in any home. Unfortunately, not all homes are equipped with a luxury fireplace. However a late innovation called the blue flame gas heater can provide the warmth aesthetic appeal of a fireplace into every room.
By: Craige Jonesl Home and Familyl May 15, 2011
Celebrating colorful Christmas with tree ornaments
The first thing that comes in mind after hearing the word Christmas is a Christmas tree decorated with tree ornaments. Christmas is a festival that is celebrate din almost every corner of the word. Whether it s a small community or a large community, celebration of Christmas starts from the beginning of December. As the Christmas season arrives, tree ornaments flood in market. You will se tree ornaments of every shape, size, and color at every niche and corner of your locality.
By: annel Home and Familyl May 15, 2011
Connecting To Your Siblings
Understanding your siblings can be hard for we often have ideas of who they are based on our childhood and our connections with them. We may not see the real person they are or have become. Instead, we come from a place of relating to them as if they are still the same person in our memories.
By: Zoe Young and Adam Benedettol Home and Familyl May 15, 2011
Baby Baths That Make the Grade
Supposing you are the producer of a ?new and improved? baby bath, how would you build it? To begin with, you would have to figure out about what would require to be changed from the current designs. Is it necessary to adjust the current child bath tubs in a dramatic way, or in a more subtle trend? What are the price tag things so that you could make it cost-effective and in a beneficial value selection for mother and father searching for child bathtubs for their babies, while ?
By: Armando Harrelll Home and Familyl May 15, 2011
7 Causes Why Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper Baggage Are Nice Promoting Diaper Luggage
As our little one grows up, we are going to wish to spend as many valuable minutes as we presumably can with them. During these instances of schooling or play, we are able to witness our little one acquire persona, a sense of self and be there to see memorable occasions comparable to their first steps, the first time they attempted to run and so forth. However, one of the points we face as a mum or dad in the case of embarking on memorable days out, is the amount of items we?d like in?
By: Wilfred Whitakerl Home and Familyl May 15, 2011
As Our World Changes ? We Must Also Change!
This one is pretty heavy though, and we have a lot of work to do if we want to adapt to the changes. What does this mean?
By: YareAbebl Self Improvementl May 12, 2011
21st Century Leadership
The increase in numbers of women in employment was the first of many changes to the makeup of the workforce and advances in technology have affected working practices in all areas.
By: YareAbebl Self Improvementl May 12, 2011
Article Writing ? My Magic Idea Generator
As a professional programmer, I had an idea how to generate code in my preferred programming language.
By: YareAbebl Writingl May 12, 2011
Candy Manufacturing Technology and Candy Manufacturing Techniques
It comes in many wonderful flavors including milk chocolate, caramel, peppermint, dark chocolate, butter scotch and various other fruit and mint flavors.
By: YareAbebl Food and Beveragel May 12, 2011
August Sanders, Father of Modern Portrait Photography
Mr. Sanders was the son of a mining carpenter and began an apprenticeship as a miner in 1989. His first exposure and introduction to photography was by assisting a photographer working for the mining company.
By: YareAbebl Arts & Entertainmentl May 12, 2011
Heart Rate and Rate of Perceived Exertion
The question I am frequently asked as a personal trainer is: ?What should my heart rate be during exercise?? The answer is both simple and complicated.
By: YareAbebl Healthl May 09, 2011
Life Quotes (Inspiring Your Life) ? Great 3 Life Quotes Explained
Those kind of quotes can be found through the quotation dictionaries or treasuries.
By: YareAbebl Self Improvementl May 09, 2011
How to Make a Million Dollars Before 30 ? A Few Things You Can Start Doing Today
If that is the case, then there are a few things you can start doing today to increase your chances of achieving your goal.
By: YareAbebl Internetl May 09, 2011
Add new Comment
* Required fieldsAuthor Navigation
Author Box YareAbeb has 20 articles online Contact Author Subscribe to RSS Print article Send to friend Re-Publish article Articles Categories
- All Categories
- Advertising Arts & Entertainment Automotive Beauty Business Careers Computers Education Finance Food and Beverage Health Hobbies Home and Family Home Improvement Internet Law Marketing News and Society Relationships Self Improvement Shopping Spirituality Sports and Fitness Technology Travel Writing
- Home and Family
- Accessories Babies Elderly Care Fathering Genealogy Holidays Parenting Pets Pregnancy Teenagers
Need Help?
- Contact Us
- FAQ
- Submit Articles
- Editorial Guidelines
- Blog
Site Links
- Recent Articles
- Top Authors
- Top Articles
- Find Articles
- Site Map
- Mobile Version
Webmasters
- RSS Builder
- RSS
- Link to Us
Business Info
Use of this web site constitutes acceptance of the Terms Of Use and Privacy Policy | User published content is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Copyright 2005-2011 Free Articles by ArticlesBase.com, All rights reserved.
Click here to view rest of article from original site
martin scorsese phylicia barnes dr phil monkey bread davy jones
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.